"God wants us to love God. That is the vulnerability of our God. The theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer said, 'Guilt is the idol hardest to break down.' Guilt may be our idol, especially if we cling to it in our hearts. We mull over past events, somehow hoping that by rethinking them they might become good events. We relive all the feelings around our poor choices, wishing we'd said or done otherwise. But trying to rethink the 'bad' past into a 'good' past not only doesn't work, it makes the guilt greater. It is a very difficult challenge, to let go of the past, because your particular past is yours alone and is true for you. Thus it becomes like an idol that you must carry with you at all times. But the guilt must go, otherwise you are indirectly competing with God. God is saying, 'I have always loved you and I love you now. I want you to receive my love.' And you and I are saying, 'You can't love me, God, because I'm so bad. By thinking about my past I will prove to you that I am beyond forgiveness.'"
-Henri Nouwen
It is never God who prevents us from being loved or feeling the presence of the Spirit. We are the ones who get in the way of that love and that connection. We either convince ourselves that God isn't paying attention to us or that we aren't worthy of God's love. Both scenarios keep us from the relationship that God desires from us. If we could only learn to live in the present. To let the past go and know that God loves us, has loved us, and always will love us. Then we wouldn't be trying to fill that void in our lives with all this stuff. If we could let ourselves be loved then that void would be filled and our relationship with God and the Spirit would grow. We need to get out of our own way. God loves you...all of you...just as you are...deal with it!
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